A Play in One Table - Part 2 of ?
While I was falling asleep last night the next part of the conversation came to me. I turned on a book light, grabbed a notebook, and quickly jotted it down. It ended up in a different notebook than the last set of notes on this play.
Let's see part 1 first.
And here's what I wrote down last night.
I like it. I think it's a good direction. I didn't think this through. I was just somewhere in between being awake and being asleep and then this conversation started playing in my head like a dream. This type of thing happens a lot, I just don't usually capture it, and I usually can't really remember it.
It might be a good idea to cut the "kid" at the very end of the last sentence to show that the conversation has changed from a dismissive conversation to a more engaged discussion. To me it looks like this guy might want to help the kid. Maybe he sees something of himself when he was young in the kid. Maybe he thinks it could be useful to recruit the kid into his organization. Maybe he has a plan to put a kid through school or something and have some use for him in the future, but it's hard to find the right person for that type of thing. This might be the opportunity.
I think it's taking an interesting direction. I would expect the kid to tell a rough story about the past. The man to tell a story to the kid about the bad outcomes that might happen if he goes down this road. The kid to tell a story about what will happen if he doesn't. And, the man to tell a story about what he wants in return, and how it's going to go.
We'll see how it goes, but I'm interested in what happens next, and that's key. There are two sins in writing, being boring or being confusing. You can't fully avoid either of them for all people, so you just have to try to avoid them according to your own judgment.
Here's Part 1, where I explained the germination of the idea.
http://www.jeffreyalexandermartin.com/2019/02/a-play-in-one-table-part-1-of.html
Let's see part 1 first.
- - - - - - -
Man sitting in booth at restaurant reading newspaper. Modern gangster/mobster feel.
Kid slides into seat across from him.
man - "Who are you?"
kid - "Jack."
man - "Well, Jack. What are you doing?"
kid - "I want to hire you."
man - "Listen kid. That spot, that's a spot where men sit. You're not a man. Get out, maybe come back when you are."
Man looks at newspaper again.
Kid says nothing, doesn't move.
Man looks up.
man - "I'm not used to repeating myself."
kid - "You're right. I'm not a man."
- - - - - - -
Man sitting in booth at restaurant reading newspaper. Modern gangster/mobster feel.
Kid slides into seat across from him.
man - "Who are you?"
kid - "Jack."
man - "Well, Jack. What are you doing?"
kid - "I want to hire you."
man - "Listen kid. That spot, that's a spot where men sit. You're not a man. Get out, maybe come back when you are."
Man looks at newspaper again.
Kid says nothing, doesn't move.
Man looks up.
man - "I'm not used to repeating myself."
kid - "You're right. I'm not a man."
- - - - - - -
And here's what I wrote down last night.
- - - - - - -
kid - "You're right, I'm not a man. My dad was a man. He's dead."
man - "What is it ya think I do kid?"
kid - "You hurt bad people."
man - "You could say that. Sometimes that's what happens. What I really do is fix problems. I fix problems that other people can't fix. Are you sayin' you've got a problem?"
Kid sighs, looks down.
man - "How do you expect to pay me?"
Kid pulls out some money.
kid - "I've got 172 dollars... plus I can work."
Man huffs and gives little humorous smile.
man - "What kinda problem you got kid?"
- - - - - - -
kid - "You're right, I'm not a man. My dad was a man. He's dead."
man - "What is it ya think I do kid?"
kid - "You hurt bad people."
man - "You could say that. Sometimes that's what happens. What I really do is fix problems. I fix problems that other people can't fix. Are you sayin' you've got a problem?"
Kid sighs, looks down.
man - "How do you expect to pay me?"
Kid pulls out some money.
kid - "I've got 172 dollars... plus I can work."
Man huffs and gives little humorous smile.
man - "What kinda problem you got kid?"
- - - - - - -
I like it. I think it's a good direction. I didn't think this through. I was just somewhere in between being awake and being asleep and then this conversation started playing in my head like a dream. This type of thing happens a lot, I just don't usually capture it, and I usually can't really remember it.
It might be a good idea to cut the "kid" at the very end of the last sentence to show that the conversation has changed from a dismissive conversation to a more engaged discussion. To me it looks like this guy might want to help the kid. Maybe he sees something of himself when he was young in the kid. Maybe he thinks it could be useful to recruit the kid into his organization. Maybe he has a plan to put a kid through school or something and have some use for him in the future, but it's hard to find the right person for that type of thing. This might be the opportunity.
I think it's taking an interesting direction. I would expect the kid to tell a rough story about the past. The man to tell a story to the kid about the bad outcomes that might happen if he goes down this road. The kid to tell a story about what will happen if he doesn't. And, the man to tell a story about what he wants in return, and how it's going to go.
We'll see how it goes, but I'm interested in what happens next, and that's key. There are two sins in writing, being boring or being confusing. You can't fully avoid either of them for all people, so you just have to try to avoid them according to your own judgment.
Here's Part 1, where I explained the germination of the idea.
http://www.jeffreyalexandermartin.com/2019/02/a-play-in-one-table-part-1-of.html
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You can find more of what I'm doing at http://www.JeffreyAlexanderMartin.com
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